My food rating system

Effects of eating food with the following ratings:

***** (five stars)

Reverent silence. Praising God in heaven. Joy to be alive. Upper torso slowly rocking back and forth. Hope people aren’t staring. Whatever. Later, embarrassing gushing.

**** (four stars)

Slow deep breaths and contemplation. Gratitude. May hear a rousing hymn, or Stars and Stripes Forever. Soon, babbling. Sorry.

*** (three stars)

Life still good. The big drop is to the next rating.

**~ (2.5 stars)

My late father-in-law called this “gut-packing food.” Its purpose is mainly to keep you from starving. Really not a compliment.

** (two stars)

Wistful melancholy. Consideration of the concept of opportunity cost. Concern over the real possibility of forgetting and eating this again.

* (one…star…)

Frustration over the fact that there is now one less meal in this short life. Concern over how to save others from this, even enemies. Maybe wash out the taste with kerosene, but can you wash out the memory? Denial, but still, looking to the future with hope.